Yesterday morning, in an evil plot concocted by the Cylons and Ferengi, the Thames river was stolen. To what end, it's not clear. Fortunately by 00:01GMT today the river was returned to its rightful place in the spacetime continuum by a mysterious man in a long military coat. (Rumours of the name "Jack" have been heard, but cannot be confirmed.) Those who say they saw the river yesterday were actually just subject to a hynotic mass delusion.

Needless to say it was impossible for me to take a photograph of the missing river.